ResuMESS#4 - feel safer?

While looking for resumes containing the word "dumbass" I came across "ultra_dumbass" ... who, in addition to a penchant for aggressive do-goodery (I picture Jim Carey's Fire Marshall Bill character) has United States Army Security Clearance!

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ultra_dumbass@....

OBJECTIVE
To overcome my past and any obsticles that may have come about as a result of it. To lead a normal life and fulfill my goals.

EXPERIENCE
United States Army Reserve
Telecommunications Operator / Maintnance
- Work in a seacure environment with sensitive government information. - Rely on team-work and cooperation to fulfill Operation Enduring Freedom. - Work closely with government agencies to calculate risks of entering theaters and evaluate enemy movements.

Showroom Cast Member
- Provide a fun yet safe environment for families with children. - Serve guests their order in a timely manner happily. - Protect store location from any threat; including but not limited to theft, robbery, assault, vandalism.

Media Sales Associate / Computer Sales Associate
- Provide a fun yet serious place to work. - Greet customers and help them find what they need. - Provide information on the layout of the store. - Watch for suspicious behavior and apprehend all suspicious patrons for questioning. - Maintain store safety at all cost. - Prevent store loss.

SKILLS
- Strong - High Endurance - Intelligant - Observant

United States Army Security Clearance